?

Wow. It has been a year since I started this blog... and a long time since I updated it. I'm still here. I just got to a point where I was tired of moaning about my situation. I also got depressed to the point where it took all of my energy to keep up with my daily routine. The depression has retreated into it's hole for a while, (and I have resolved to see a doctor for help battling it) so maybe I'm ready to write again...

I started to recap my life since I stopped writing here, but I quickly lost interest. I guess what you need to know for the purposes of this blog is that The Man and I are giving it another shot. Somewhere around Halloween I started to feel less angry and he started acting like he wanted to be here. We both know that there's still a lot of work to be done, but we both want to try.

What I really (don't) want to write about is my now. I've been feeling like a crazy person again. I continuously want to check e-mail accounts and commandeer mobile phone records. Sometimes, I even want to drive by his office just to see if he's really there... but I don't, because that would be crazy. Seriously - I feel like a lunatic.

*sigh* I know that part of it is that I feel out of control in general. My weight has ballooned. I still don't have a job or any real idea of how to find one. I've got a weird pain up under my ribs on the right side that is really starting to worry me. You know - stuff. Stuff that will make you act crazy if you let it.

I'm working hard on not letting it. I'm working hard on acting right because it's the right thing to do. I'm working hard on presenting the image of the person I want to be, and making the inside match the outside.