I think I'm ready to start at the beginning. Well, at least I'll start in a place that I am designating as the beginning, because you have to start somewhere.
I'm not sure exactly when this started for The Man. I think that for me, our Winter of Discontent began around the summer of 2005. I had just finished massage school, and The Man had just accepted a job with a law firm that was based in another city. They had him work in their main office until they were 'confident in his abilities'. I think they just kept him there until they were confident that the small office here in town could sustain another attorney. He left home every Monday morning, came back Wednesday night, left Thursday morning and came back Friday night. We were - for all intents and purposes - separated again. We had just passed our 9th wedding anniversary, and this was round 3 of one of us working away from home. I think we got too good at being apart. When we were together, we were exhausted and uncommunicative. When we were apart we hung out with friends or coworkers and did our 'living'. I think that we were in trouble by the time he was transferred back home, we just couldn't see it yet.
We plodded along. I got a job. He got a new job. We moved into a different rental house. I started telling myself that everything was GREAT. If you look at any of the (very few) pictures of us from then, I look like I'm tap dancing for my life - 'Everything's awesome! My life rocks! Look over here!' No, I wasn't aware that I looked a tiny bit crazy and a huge bit exhausted. The man just looks miserable and/or angry. I was so busy assuring myself that we were fine that I didn't see anything.
I didn't see anything until he sat me down on New Year's Day of 2008 to tell me that he had been having an affair.
I went into shock. I could hear and see and feel, but only in a very dissociated sort of way. I was shaking and breathing oddly. He just kept talking. He was babbling on about he had decided to end it - that he truly cared about me - that he needed to tell me before he broke it off because he was sure that she would 'go crazy' and try to contact me.
I couldn't even take it all in. I just kept telling him things like that I was glad he had told me and we could 'fix' this... I can remember so clearly where we were sitting. I remember what the light looked like. I can't for the life of me remember exactly what was said. I do remember telling him that I wanted him to call her now. I wanted to get the ball rolling immediately.
The anger didn't set in until later. First was disbelief, hurt, and a need to act. Oh, and I felt a crazy compulsion to force him to sleep with me every time we were together - like I could sex him into 'liking me best'.
I'm not even sure where to take this from here, so I'm going to end this post. I'm sure that I'll have more to say later, but for now, this is the best I can do.
Friday, February 18, 2011
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
ugh. birthdays.
I have to admit - this 'second blog' thing feels a bit freeing. I have a lot of things to say about how I feel since the affair(s), and I do not feel free to say them on my first blog since it's all about what's going on now. Dragging this into what is currently a baby news, craft and cooking blog doesn't feel like the right thing to do.
This time of year is hard for me. It has been since even before the affairs (that's right, Crazy, you're not as special as you had hoped. There was someone else). Oops, some venom leaked out. One of the things that I hoped to do with this blog was to heal this wound from the inside out. This may take some time. Sorry, Mama. Keep reading with my blessing. Back to my point - I implode around my birthday. I've done this for a while. Birthdays are a time for me to take stock. It's not that I find my life lacking in the process, it's more that it's different than where I expected to be, and I always need some time to adjust my view.
Add in the recent craziness, and I have a small maelstrom brewing. A tempest in my coffee cup. I'm not jealous. I'm not doubting. I'm just still mad. I want to know that the 'extra' e-mail accounts are gone. Not because I think that he's using them, but because having them open leaves a window for doubt to creep in.
I want to clean out old e-mails, and I have. I ended up keeping things associated with the affair and the woman involved because I think that it is important to remember how it got so bad so that it can't creep up on us again. I even kept the weirdness from her husband about how he wished us well, yet wanted to make sure that it was over. It actually reinforces how strong we are to see how we were manipulated before.
My blessings were accentuated on Valentine's Day. Baby Girl and I ran into an acquaintance at Starbucks. She read a book to the Darling One, and we gave her a heart sticker. She fawned over my daughter, and mentioned that she was on her way to 'see her Valentine'. Before I remembered her situation, I said 'YAY!' Then I remembered that she was a widow. We both teared up then she said 'I just wish that I didn't have to go where I do to see him'. Oh Jeez. They were each other's second marriage, and neither had children. She treasures the time that they had together, yet misses him desperately. He died over a decade ago. I am a mess just thinking about them. I hope that when our time comes, that I can miss The Man without regret. I want our life together to be what we both want it to be.
Huh. Well, Happy Birthday to me... wait, I am ME. I am strong. I am happy. I am loved. I have love. I am blessed... o.k. good. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME! :-)
This time of year is hard for me. It has been since even before the affairs (that's right, Crazy, you're not as special as you had hoped. There was someone else). Oops, some venom leaked out. One of the things that I hoped to do with this blog was to heal this wound from the inside out. This may take some time. Sorry, Mama. Keep reading with my blessing. Back to my point - I implode around my birthday. I've done this for a while. Birthdays are a time for me to take stock. It's not that I find my life lacking in the process, it's more that it's different than where I expected to be, and I always need some time to adjust my view.
Add in the recent craziness, and I have a small maelstrom brewing. A tempest in my coffee cup. I'm not jealous. I'm not doubting. I'm just still mad. I want to know that the 'extra' e-mail accounts are gone. Not because I think that he's using them, but because having them open leaves a window for doubt to creep in.
I want to clean out old e-mails, and I have. I ended up keeping things associated with the affair and the woman involved because I think that it is important to remember how it got so bad so that it can't creep up on us again. I even kept the weirdness from her husband about how he wished us well, yet wanted to make sure that it was over. It actually reinforces how strong we are to see how we were manipulated before.
My blessings were accentuated on Valentine's Day. Baby Girl and I ran into an acquaintance at Starbucks. She read a book to the Darling One, and we gave her a heart sticker. She fawned over my daughter, and mentioned that she was on her way to 'see her Valentine'. Before I remembered her situation, I said 'YAY!' Then I remembered that she was a widow. We both teared up then she said 'I just wish that I didn't have to go where I do to see him'. Oh Jeez. They were each other's second marriage, and neither had children. She treasures the time that they had together, yet misses him desperately. He died over a decade ago. I am a mess just thinking about them. I hope that when our time comes, that I can miss The Man without regret. I want our life together to be what we both want it to be.
Huh. Well, Happy Birthday to me... wait, I am ME. I am strong. I am happy. I am loved. I have love. I am blessed... o.k. good. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME! :-)
Monday, February 14, 2011
recant
So yesterday when I wrote about Valentine's Day, I was writing from a place of exhaustion. We actually had a great Day. Lily Ruth and I made Valentines, surprised Daddy with a present at work, and had a huge lunch. While she napped, I threw dinner in the crockpot then made rice crispy treats and chocolate hearts. When she woke up, we took a walk with my mom. Then dinner, off to dessert with friends then baby to bed and games for Mama and Daddy. Whew! Great Day!
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Harumph.
While I had hoped that all of my 'I'm out in the open! No secrets means that you don't scare me' tactics would keep the level of crazy at a bare minimum, I guess that I was also secretly itchin' for a fight.
It has been 3 whole days without even a whisper of response. This constitutes a serious win for Team Self Esteem, but it also means that I need to readjust my mindset. When you've girded your loins for battle, the adrenaline and excitement stay high. Learning that the battle has been called off means that you have to take off your armor, put the weapons into storage (or beat them into plowshares), and refocus your energy into things that are helpful to you.
I am coming down just in time for the double whammy - Valentine's Day followed immediately by my birthday. The Man and I have not celebrated Valentine's Day in... ever. We decided from the get-go (back in our - eeeeek! - early twenties!) that Valentine's Day was for suckers and rather than setting ourselves up for unmet expectations and disappointment that we would simply forgo the whole thing. In theory, it's great. In practice, I hate it. I love red. I love love. I love romance. I love surprises. But since I said that I didn't care (17 years ago), he took me at my word, and has become the ultimate non-gift-giver. Yay.
Whatever. At least I have my dignity (hah!)... and my family (yay!)... and a delightful theoretical disregard for all things Valentine's Day... xoxoxo
It has been 3 whole days without even a whisper of response. This constitutes a serious win for Team Self Esteem, but it also means that I need to readjust my mindset. When you've girded your loins for battle, the adrenaline and excitement stay high. Learning that the battle has been called off means that you have to take off your armor, put the weapons into storage (or beat them into plowshares), and refocus your energy into things that are helpful to you.
I am coming down just in time for the double whammy - Valentine's Day followed immediately by my birthday. The Man and I have not celebrated Valentine's Day in... ever. We decided from the get-go (back in our - eeeeek! - early twenties!) that Valentine's Day was for suckers and rather than setting ourselves up for unmet expectations and disappointment that we would simply forgo the whole thing. In theory, it's great. In practice, I hate it. I love red. I love love. I love romance. I love surprises. But since I said that I didn't care (17 years ago), he took me at my word, and has become the ultimate non-gift-giver. Yay.
Whatever. At least I have my dignity (hah!)... and my family (yay!)... and a delightful theoretical disregard for all things Valentine's Day... xoxoxo
Friday, February 11, 2011
Hmmmmmmmmm
Well, I've gotten no response. There are (of course) several options for this. They include, but are not limited to:
1. She hasn't had time to look at my e-mails and/or the blog yet.
2. She has no intention of looking at either.
3. She's not the particular child-woman that I thought she was, and she was NOT expecting the wrath.
4. She's trying really, really hard to come up with a decent reply because I flat-out told her that it was going to be published on line.
5. She gives up.
Notice that I did not include 'my husband really is cheating on me (again)' as an option. There's a reason for this. When this started (a mere 48 hours ago), I still thought that I was pretty insecure about our relationship, and it occurred to me that this all might be true. As the hours ticked by, I realized that I am secure in us. I believe in my husband. I don't believe anonymous (a.k.a. cowardly) accusations couched in vague references to things that were and/or could have been true in the past. When I gave serious thought time to the way we live our lives these days, I decided that I'm rock solid. I'm not afraid. If there is any current truth in what this woman has to say, then I need to hear it. I am done living with my head in the sand.
I love my husband, and I refuse to spend the rest of my life worrying that he could be cheating on me. He is working hard to prove himself to me. His intentions are clear in word and action every day. Unless I am given real, true, provable information to the contrary, I believe in him with all of my heart.
*Le sigh* I was hoping for a verbal tussle. Oh well. I will (happily) settle for the realization that we are more solid as a family now than we have ever been. Welcome to my world, folks. It ain't Elmo's World, but then, why would I want that?
1. She hasn't had time to look at my e-mails and/or the blog yet.
2. She has no intention of looking at either.
3. She's not the particular child-woman that I thought she was, and she was NOT expecting the wrath.
4. She's trying really, really hard to come up with a decent reply because I flat-out told her that it was going to be published on line.
5. She gives up.
Notice that I did not include 'my husband really is cheating on me (again)' as an option. There's a reason for this. When this started (a mere 48 hours ago), I still thought that I was pretty insecure about our relationship, and it occurred to me that this all might be true. As the hours ticked by, I realized that I am secure in us. I believe in my husband. I don't believe anonymous (a.k.a. cowardly) accusations couched in vague references to things that were and/or could have been true in the past. When I gave serious thought time to the way we live our lives these days, I decided that I'm rock solid. I'm not afraid. If there is any current truth in what this woman has to say, then I need to hear it. I am done living with my head in the sand.
I love my husband, and I refuse to spend the rest of my life worrying that he could be cheating on me. He is working hard to prove himself to me. His intentions are clear in word and action every day. Unless I am given real, true, provable information to the contrary, I believe in him with all of my heart.
*Le sigh* I was hoping for a verbal tussle. Oh well. I will (happily) settle for the realization that we are more solid as a family now than we have ever been. Welcome to my world, folks. It ain't Elmo's World, but then, why would I want that?
Fine, Fine, Stop Bugging Me!
^^^ See what I did there with the title? I made it seem like I have a bazillion readers who are clamoring for more details. What I really have is the jitters from drinking too much coffee. I also have freshly colored hair (thanks, Feria!) and skin that glows (thanks, LUSH).
Let's continue, shall we? I received the rambling nonsense, gave it some thought and decided that this was all coming from the same little girl who had tried to hurt me before. So it was ON. I replied with this:
ME: If you truly just wanted to end an affair, you would have done so without the dramatic reveal. You obviously want attention. Here is your chance. Consider this the gauntlet. Provide provable details of your relationship and how you got my cell phone number, or I will assume that I know exactly who you are.
I live my life in the open. I'm not afraid of what you have to say. It feels good out here in the sun. Join me.
---------------------
Then I waited... patience is NOT a virtue that I possess :-P
When I got tired of waiting, I sent this - I'll put my commentary/explanations in red:
ME: Oooooooooooh. No response. (very mature, no?)
So you gleaned one new tidbit of information (the bit about losing his pants is true - he travels so much that he actually lost a pair of pants recently) (we've - yes, WE, The Man (edited to 'protect' the innocent') knows all about this - already figured out where you got it) and thought you'd use it to mess with me. Wow. Good to know that you haven't matured. (did I mention yet that she's very, very, very young?)
Although I noted that your writing has marginally improved, you still use all of the same themes. 'Here's some upsetting info'... 'I'm a victim in this'... 'Here are some more things that should be hurtful you'... 'I just wish it could be different, but I'm still the victim'... very easy to spot.
I noticed that you've moved on from craigslist (where the philandering version of The Man initially found her) to Adult Friend Finder. Nice. Classy. Good place for a mother to be spending time (this child had 4 babies of her own). I do find it intriguing that you hate yourself so much that you need that kind of attention. Oh, and anyone on that nasty site does not have 'just chatting' in mind. Interesting tactic.
We're different than the last go-round. We made it past your manipulations and games, and we came out the other end stronger. We're a family. A family with no secrets. Your insinuations and pity parties fall flat this time because there are no shadows for doubt to live in. I know where he is during the day because we talk. I know what goes on on the weekends because his coworkers (and his bosses) tell me. I know he's not going to hotels because he flat out doesn't have time.
If your intention was to upset me, you've failed. If you want to play, let's go Cakesbaby (a nickname that they used to use). I've got time on my hands and fire in my soul. I've missed the wordplay and banter of unhealthy relationships (I really have - banter is fun). I could use the practice. Be forewarned, I am blogging this and will be sending it directly to various family and friends (done and done - including The Man), so consider your responses carefully. Like I said, it feels good out here in the sun (instant blog title, right?).
Your new on-line best friend,
The Wife Who Stayed
^^ check it out... it's a link... to a blog... oh, this is FUN! (and it was a link in the e-mail, but it would be dumb to link back to a blog that you are currently reading)
-------------------------
So that's where it stands right now. I'm interested to see if she bites... if not, this blog will go all serious for a while. If so.... oh, the possibilities are endless...
Let's continue, shall we? I received the rambling nonsense, gave it some thought and decided that this was all coming from the same little girl who had tried to hurt me before. So it was ON. I replied with this:
ME: If you truly just wanted to end an affair, you would have done so without the dramatic reveal. You obviously want attention. Here is your chance. Consider this the gauntlet. Provide provable details of your relationship and how you got my cell phone number, or I will assume that I know exactly who you are.
I live my life in the open. I'm not afraid of what you have to say. It feels good out here in the sun. Join me.
---------------------
Then I waited... patience is NOT a virtue that I possess :-P
When I got tired of waiting, I sent this - I'll put my commentary/explanations in red:
ME: Oooooooooooh. No response. (very mature, no?)
So you gleaned one new tidbit of information (the bit about losing his pants is true - he travels so much that he actually lost a pair of pants recently) (we've - yes, WE, The Man (edited to 'protect' the innocent') knows all about this - already figured out where you got it) and thought you'd use it to mess with me. Wow. Good to know that you haven't matured. (did I mention yet that she's very, very, very young?)
Although I noted that your writing has marginally improved, you still use all of the same themes. 'Here's some upsetting info'... 'I'm a victim in this'... 'Here are some more things that should be hurtful you'... 'I just wish it could be different, but I'm still the victim'... very easy to spot.
I noticed that you've moved on from craigslist (where the philandering version of The Man initially found her) to Adult Friend Finder. Nice. Classy. Good place for a mother to be spending time (this child had 4 babies of her own). I do find it intriguing that you hate yourself so much that you need that kind of attention. Oh, and anyone on that nasty site does not have 'just chatting' in mind. Interesting tactic.
We're different than the last go-round. We made it past your manipulations and games, and we came out the other end stronger. We're a family. A family with no secrets. Your insinuations and pity parties fall flat this time because there are no shadows for doubt to live in. I know where he is during the day because we talk. I know what goes on on the weekends because his coworkers (and his bosses) tell me. I know he's not going to hotels because he flat out doesn't have time.
If your intention was to upset me, you've failed. If you want to play, let's go Cakesbaby (a nickname that they used to use). I've got time on my hands and fire in my soul. I've missed the wordplay and banter of unhealthy relationships (I really have - banter is fun). I could use the practice. Be forewarned, I am blogging this and will be sending it directly to various family and friends (done and done - including The Man), so consider your responses carefully. Like I said, it feels good out here in the sun (instant blog title, right?).
Your new on-line best friend,
The Wife Who Stayed
^^ check it out... it's a link... to a blog... oh, this is FUN! (and it was a link in the e-mail, but it would be dumb to link back to a blog that you are currently reading)
-------------------------
So that's where it stands right now. I'm interested to see if she bites... if not, this blog will go all serious for a while. If so.... oh, the possibilities are endless...
Let The Games Begin
This all started (well, this round of it anyway) with an SMS message from an e-mail address I'd never seen before to my cell phone on Wednesday night. At first glance, I assumed it was porn spam and I ignored it. She must have realized that she had been too vague, so I got 3 more messages on Thursday morning.
I was going to cut and past them here, but that would entail editing out things like e-mail addresses, and I am inherently lazy, so I'll just paraphrase, oh and I'll put the messages in italics and my miscellaneous two-cents-worth in regular type:
Message 1: 'if you want to know what your husband is doing, check out his profile on Adult Friend Finder' (you can see why I assumed it was spam)
- Just in case, I asked my husband (for purposes of this blog, let's call him... The Man) if he knew anything about that. He said no, but maybe we should check it out *wink wink, nudge nudge*.
Message 2: - wait, the phrasing is too good, I'm just going to have to cut and paste - "i d be leary of what he s doing on his saturday morning s at work and his business trips."
Let's break this down, shall we? Well, Saturday mornings he's working his ass off at the office between the hours of 6 and 9 a.m. That would be one heck of an affair to keep it going that early. I like sex just as much as the next guy, but it would have to be one awesome piece of ass to get me out of bed that early. Business trips? Getting into a tiny town after 10 p.m. then getting up at 5:30 to head to a client's office isn't really conducive to gettin' it on... plus, he's gone during the week. Is she unemployed? Is she paying for her own airplane tickets?
Message 3: this one insinuates that 'his long lunches with a male coworker are really time with her'. Um, The Man very rarely even takes a lunch, never mind a long one.
Message 4: just told me that he had an 'alternate e-mail address' and gave it to me. Vague...
At this point, I got tired of reading texts. I set up a new e-mail account (so I can keep this all clear in my mind), called The Man and let him know what was up then I started e-mailing her... I'll give you the first few just to whet your appetite, but then I have to go. I am very busy and important. I cannot be sitting on the damn interwebs all day chatting to you :-P
ME: If you're so concerned about playing good samaritan here, why don't you start by growing up and contacting me like an adult - with your real name and valid concerns.
HER: because, i don't want to get to know you, (gratuitous use of my name), and i'll only tell you what you want to know. if you prefer to be oblivious about your husband's indiscretions, i'll leave you alone.
ME: right. you're the good guy. no thanks, crazy.
ME: I've had enough ridiculous drama. If you have legitimate proof of actual indiscretions, then let's see 'em. If all you have are veiled references to things in the past, then go away.
- then we took a little break while she composed her reply... it's a whopper! Get comfortable, it'll take a while to wade through... I can't resist, my notes in red...
HER: I met your husband on adult friend finder in September. I've gone with him on a business trip - in which he lost his pants (yep, The Man uses it as an anecdote now - as in 'I travel so much that I lost a pair of pants). I frequently meet him in his office on Saturday mornings (with all of his coworkers there? wow.), and during the week in hotels. really? where is he getting the dough for this - we do the bills together...
I was going to cut and past them here, but that would entail editing out things like e-mail addresses, and I am inherently lazy, so I'll just paraphrase, oh and I'll put the messages in italics and my miscellaneous two-cents-worth in regular type:
Message 1: 'if you want to know what your husband is doing, check out his profile on Adult Friend Finder' (you can see why I assumed it was spam)
- Just in case, I asked my husband (for purposes of this blog, let's call him... The Man) if he knew anything about that. He said no, but maybe we should check it out *wink wink, nudge nudge*.
Message 2: - wait, the phrasing is too good, I'm just going to have to cut and paste - "i d be leary of what he s doing on his saturday morning s at work and his business trips."
Let's break this down, shall we? Well, Saturday mornings he's working his ass off at the office between the hours of 6 and 9 a.m. That would be one heck of an affair to keep it going that early. I like sex just as much as the next guy, but it would have to be one awesome piece of ass to get me out of bed that early. Business trips? Getting into a tiny town after 10 p.m. then getting up at 5:30 to head to a client's office isn't really conducive to gettin' it on... plus, he's gone during the week. Is she unemployed? Is she paying for her own airplane tickets?
Message 3: this one insinuates that 'his long lunches with a male coworker are really time with her'. Um, The Man very rarely even takes a lunch, never mind a long one.
Message 4: just told me that he had an 'alternate e-mail address' and gave it to me. Vague...
At this point, I got tired of reading texts. I set up a new e-mail account (so I can keep this all clear in my mind), called The Man and let him know what was up then I started e-mailing her... I'll give you the first few just to whet your appetite, but then I have to go. I am very busy and important. I cannot be sitting on the damn interwebs all day chatting to you :-P
ME: If you're so concerned about playing good samaritan here, why don't you start by growing up and contacting me like an adult - with your real name and valid concerns.
HER: because, i don't want to get to know you, (gratuitous use of my name), and i'll only tell you what you want to know. if you prefer to be oblivious about your husband's indiscretions, i'll leave you alone.
ME: right. you're the good guy. no thanks, crazy.
ME: I've had enough ridiculous drama. If you have legitimate proof of actual indiscretions, then let's see 'em. If all you have are veiled references to things in the past, then go away.
- then we took a little break while she composed her reply... it's a whopper! Get comfortable, it'll take a while to wade through... I can't resist, my notes in red...
HER: I met your husband on adult friend finder in September. I've gone with him on a business trip - in which he lost his pants (yep, The Man uses it as an anecdote now - as in 'I travel so much that I lost a pair of pants). I frequently meet him in his office on Saturday mornings (with all of his coworkers there? wow.), and during the week in hotels. really? where is he getting the dough for this - we do the bills together...
I'm ending this. I'm blocking his email and IM - so he can no longer contact me. good. sounds like a plan
I've had this being done to me as well, and as much as it hurt, I always wanted to know. being done to me? really?
Yes, he posts that he's married. I never intended it to go that far. I just wanted to chat - but of course, it got further than I intended. never wanted it to go that far?... oh. well then I would suggest NOT joining skanky sex sites.
He loves you - he tells me so..."I love her alot. I like spending time with her. I can't imagine us not being a family." so sweet.
I ask him why he does this - "I dont know, bored, I guess..."
And that may be it, he may be just bored (at work). Who knows...?
(Name of The Man's coworker) is his alibi, because (Name of The Man's coworker) is a cheater as well...they both have stuff on each other. They go out with each other (Vegas) they went to an continuing ed class in Vegas. The Man swears that the hookers who propositioned them raised their rates after his coworker (Mr Smooth) attempted to drunk bargain with them...
I'm telling you this because - I do want you two to be together. I know you have a daughter, and I don't want to interfere. And, I'm ending this. again, such a sweet girl.
I just want him to stop doing this - and I don't know how to make him stop - other than to make you aware. why would you care if he stops?
Maybe seek some couples counseling - get him to talk - I can tell there is a lot on his mind, he's not wanting to say.
I guarantee you, I will no longer have contact with him - but I also know he has other "contacts"
And he has said "i need to make another yahoo ID" - so there are always ways of eluding you.
I know, besides me...there has been at least 3-4 women...but that's all he has told me about -
oh, the innuendoes / backhanded 'compliments' are flying so fast that I should be confused and unhappy... yet I'm not.
oh, the innuendoes / backhanded 'compliments' are flying so fast that I should be confused and unhappy... yet I'm not.
The best I can surmise is this started when he was 37 - hence the drake3737... you have no idea why he uses 37? oh, so you guys are real close.
Every time you get suspicious, he just tells me to cool it down...until things calm down.
I'm happy to let you know as much as you want to know... PLEASE fill me in!!!!
I really hope that you resolve this. I know he loves you a lot, and he is a very good guy, very sweet guy...just has a bad bone, that needs to get resolved. Don't give up on him. You guys are a very sweet couple together.
-----------------------------
I know, right!? It's all over the damn map. She's actually a pretty good manipulator if you're not expecting it. She keeps telling me I'm awesome (yet stupid) and he's great (yet a cheating bastard). That's where she got me last time. This time, I fired off a response and got nothing. This morning, I got tired of waiting, and sent another missive... and started this blog... but those are stories for another post.
- Wait, least you think that this is all fun and games, let me be very clear - when the initial affair concluded I was VERY hurt and wounded and fragile. I sought professional counseling and benefitted greatly from it. If you have stumbled on this blog because of the 'affair' tag, this is all real. It's just that I'm several years out from the hurt at this point. I'm able to look at it objectively (something that was a LOOOOOONG time coming) and this particular encounter is now a game. I do have real things to say about what happened... but I can only type so fast... all in good time, doves... all in good time...
Here We Are Again... Yet it's Different...
New Year's Day 2008, my life fell apart. My husband came to me and announced that he was having an affair. He wanted to end it, but wanted to tell me first, because he was certain that she would 'go crazy' when he broke it off with her.
He was right. She turned into a nut job. So in addition to the emotional devastation of the affair announcement, I now had a psycho bitch playing manipulative mind games with my husband and doing her best to hurt me as well. It worked. I let her wound me to the core.
I let the nastiness of our on-line encounters take me to a very dark emotional place, but even in the midst of what I viewed as total devastation, we began to work on our marriage. We started counseling. We learned how to communicate. We moved from a house that now felt dirty because of the things that happened there and started creating a home. We started a family.
All of these things took time. It was not a fast, smooth or easy process. In fact, it was gut-wrenchingly, agonizingly hard. We continued to wound each other even as we traveled forward. It wasn't until recently that we've become the family that we are today. We're loving. We're strong. We're close. We want to spend time together. We still have moments of crazy, but we work on them. We don't allow things to divide us.
Which brings me to today - or rather this week. Someone has intruded into our lives. Someone who's only intent is to play games that wound. I thought about being hurt, but then I decided to stand tall. In theory, all of her accusations are true. It's just that the context is lacking...
I've been trying to find a way to work through the residual emotional fallout from the affair. I had even intended to start a blog about it - I just never made the time. Well, folks, the time is now. I named this blog 'Sunshine Feels So Good', because 1) it does and 2) it's a corny thing to say and 3) I don't live in fear of what might jump out of the shadows created by lies and misery anymore. If the truth is hurtful, then so be it. It's still the truth, and it can be survived.
In my next few posts, we will explore the texts and e-mails sent by this person and my responses to them. When I'm done with that, maybe I'll get to the serious stuff.
Maybe I won't need to.
He was right. She turned into a nut job. So in addition to the emotional devastation of the affair announcement, I now had a psycho bitch playing manipulative mind games with my husband and doing her best to hurt me as well. It worked. I let her wound me to the core.
I let the nastiness of our on-line encounters take me to a very dark emotional place, but even in the midst of what I viewed as total devastation, we began to work on our marriage. We started counseling. We learned how to communicate. We moved from a house that now felt dirty because of the things that happened there and started creating a home. We started a family.
All of these things took time. It was not a fast, smooth or easy process. In fact, it was gut-wrenchingly, agonizingly hard. We continued to wound each other even as we traveled forward. It wasn't until recently that we've become the family that we are today. We're loving. We're strong. We're close. We want to spend time together. We still have moments of crazy, but we work on them. We don't allow things to divide us.
Which brings me to today - or rather this week. Someone has intruded into our lives. Someone who's only intent is to play games that wound. I thought about being hurt, but then I decided to stand tall. In theory, all of her accusations are true. It's just that the context is lacking...
I've been trying to find a way to work through the residual emotional fallout from the affair. I had even intended to start a blog about it - I just never made the time. Well, folks, the time is now. I named this blog 'Sunshine Feels So Good', because 1) it does and 2) it's a corny thing to say and 3) I don't live in fear of what might jump out of the shadows created by lies and misery anymore. If the truth is hurtful, then so be it. It's still the truth, and it can be survived.
In my next few posts, we will explore the texts and e-mails sent by this person and my responses to them. When I'm done with that, maybe I'll get to the serious stuff.
Maybe I won't need to.
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