I'm a mess, you guys.
In the wake of a horrible week (or two) during which the entire universe seemed to be screaming 'GET OUT OF THAT MARRIAGE' at me, I told The Man that I needed to separate. Yep, you heard me. Of course, we can't even begin to afford a true separation, so he's living in the guest room.
It's awful.
Now I REALLY need to get a job so that we can truly get some distance.
I just... I can't believe that I've allowed myself to go on like this for so long. I'm a wreck. I've put on weight. I'm cranky all of the time. I'm jealous and suspicious and I spend countless hours obsessing over what he could be doing. It's not o.k. for this to be me. I cannot continue to be this woman. It is imperative that I find my way back to being healthy and happy so that I can raise a strong, healthy daughter.
I hate it that I'm here. Here is hard. Here makes me feel like a dummy who was too blind to see that her husband has been cheating on her for years and years. Here makes me feel like a doormat who wanted so badly for everything to be 'like it should' that she repeatedly went back to a man who never changed.
I wish that I could find another way to get there, but for now, the only way out that I can see lies in making some space.
