I can't relax. I don't know how. Even as a massage therapist, I never tell my clients to 'relaaaax' - because it offends me when other practitioners say it to me. That's right - even when I receive a massage I don't relax. I think I'm relaxed, but then the therapist asks me to unclench my hand or release my arm.
Today is a prime example. My Darling Daughter woke up at 7. This was sort of a treat, since she usually wakes up crying between 5 and 6. That's when she comes in with me (The Man's in the shower or gone by then) and has her only nursing session of the day. Since she was so late today, she decided not to go back to sleep once she was done nursing. Fine. 'Should we go to the zoo today?' 'YES! Ish, Mama. Hippos.'
That was one of the last positive exchanges that we had all morning.
By 10:45, she was in full-on meltdown mode, and I was exhausted. We finally made it to the zoo around 11, and she calmed down considerably. She fell asleep around 12:30 on the way home... which sucks. She has never in her entire life transferred asleep from the car to the house. When she was smaller, I'd stay in the car until she woke up. She ended up going down for her nap at 2.
I ordered myself to bed around 3. I was (AM!) so tired that my eyes ache, but here's what my brain was doing:
- The poor dog is so itchy. I wish her bath appointment was today and not tomorrow.
- What time did the baby go down? Two? And it's 3:08 now. Maybe I'll get 52 minutes of sleep. Maybe it'll just be 22 minutes. Maybe I should stay awake.
- 'If I say HOT, what's the opposite word? The opposite word is COLD. Hot, hot, HOT, hot. The opposite of hot is cold.' (that one is set to music)
- Dinner tonight... dinner tonight... brown rice... and grilled chicken - oops, need a new propane tank! Can I lift that thing? How does it detach from the grill?... what vegetables are in season? I could make that salad like Mama made...
- What time is it now? How many minutes until she wakes up? Should I just stay awake?
This went on like a tornado in my head until I passed out. I have no idea what time it was since I refused to open my eyes... UNTIL THE DOORBELL RANG!!!! ItchBiteScratchChew Dog went ape shit. I (with my poor disoriented heart pounding) leapt up to get to the door before the dog woke up the baby.
The new pool guy. I'm so glad he's here, but I may kill him for waking me up. The best part? He seems to be gone. I think that he took one look at our pool and left. I wouldn't blame him, but if it's true, I'll cry... Who am I kidding? I'm probably going to cry anyway...
Why can't I relax?
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