Musings

Note to self: Do not write emotionally draining blog posts while the baby naps. Toddlers do not grant a reprieve to wiped out mamas.

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When I started this blog, I intended for the Other Woman to read it (and possibly even respond). Now it's more of a place for me to vent and to continue to work through what happened. It hit me today that she may still be reading. I'm assuming not, because me working past what happened doesn't play into her being able to manipulate me any longer, but what if she is? How weird would that be? Would she forward it to her friends?

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I wonder if she feels anything resembling remorse for her actions. Not the affair (I doubt an adulterer of her caliber would see anything wrong with that) - the personal attacks. The intentional wounding of someone she didn't even know. I wonder if she has grown up enough to feel anything that complex, or if her world is still so firmly centered around herself that everyone that stands in the way of something that she wants is an enemy to be destroyed.

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In looking over my posts thus far, I notice a definite trend. Every time that I reference the Other Woman, I use rather harsh terms. It seems that I talk a big game about forgiveness and moving on when it comes to The Man, but when it's her, I'm still really pissed.

I attribute this to (mainly) two things. One, when this all went down, she was able to act how ever she pleased and I was the one 'doing the right thing' which meant holding my tongue most of the time and being unable to speak my truth. Two, she just keeps coming back to try and hurt me. This makes me angry.

So I guess that I'll just try to be aware of my own behavior, and modify it when I'm ready to do so. Since this is my blog, I can tell my story in my own way. If she feels that she is wrongly portrayed, she can either respond or start her own damn blog. It's a big internet out there.