Send it Out

So, I've managed to freak myself out a bit today. I posted a comment in response to a blog that I read. Because of the nature of the blog post, and the content of my response, instead of linking to my regular (Mama, Crafting, Cooking, Light-Hearted Stories) blog, I linked to this one.

Now I'm a bit wigged out. I started this blog in order to put an end to the machinations of a manipulative irritant. I continued it as a forum to help work through my recurring and residual issues related to the affairs. Now I've put it out there for people to find. In fact, I practically put a neon sign on it and said 'Come on by! I've got something to say!'

Here's the part where my own self-esteem issues check in with a huge 'Who do you think you are? Why would anyone want to read this?' I feel like I've spent too much time here playing Poke The Bear, and not enough time talking about the real stuff. Granted, I've only been writing here for a month and a half. When I look at it that way, it seems like maybe I've gotten through quite a bit of the real stuff... *sigh*

So why did I link it if I wasn't ready for people to read it? I wanted to give a little background for the response that I had posted. I wanted for people to know that I wasn't just blithely spouting off about something that I didn't know anything about... Great. now I hear one of my oldest established behavioral patterns very clearly in this. It's the one that screams 'I Know What I'm Talking About. I'm Part of This. Here's Why You Should Listen to Me...' Yep. That one. The one that tries to hard and begs everyone to like it. Sooooo healthy. Soooo lovable.

Now there's the 'LOVE ME, I'M GOOD ENOUGH' monster calling up from my bruised psyche for attention. Add in the infuriating doctor's visit that I just returned home from, and you have the recipe for a headache. Guess who's not going to be cooking dinner tonight! That's right. The Wife Who Stayed. Guess who has two thumbs and will be stopping off for vodka and fancy olives on the way home! That's right, THIS GIRL :-P