Do Over

Today sucked. It sucked when I was still awake with a toddler at midnight, and it only went downhill from there.

I had a fight with my mom just after I woke up. I haven't had a fight with my mom since high school.

My laptop took a dirt nap. There's nothing important on it. Just every photo that I've taken of my daughter since the instant of her birth.

Our stupid pool has been cloudy for over a week. Not even the guy we PAY to keep our pool nice has been able to fix it. When I went out to backwash the filter, I slammed my finger in the lever and covered myself - head to fucking toe - in dirty, cloudy water.

The child who refused to sleep last night also refused a nap. She was pretty nice about it, but she did not nap. Therefore, I did not get a break or a rest. Even people who work for minimum wage get breaks.

Because of the exhaustion and general freaked-out-ed-ness, I missed a reunion committee meeting tonight. I have since received several snarky messages - even though I've already apologized. I absolutely cannot stand to be talked down to and deliberately misunderstood. I felt like laying my Greek tragedy of a day out for this woman even though I don't owe her anything... but she would only intentionally misconstrue what I say and stay mad anyway. So I haven't responded, and I intend to sever communication. Good thing I'd already decided not to attend!

The icing on this shit cake? I got a damn stretch mark. I made it through my entire last pregnancy with no new stretch marks. The existing ones from my teen years are finally beginning to mellow, and I was feeling a bit smug about the whole thing. Until tonight. I had a tugging pain just below my belly button. I grabbed the massage bar and attempted to ease it. All I could feel at first is the absolute void of muscle tissue down the center of my belly - no support there! As the pain eased, I could feel a definite line in the tissue. A break. A tear. A new stretch mark. In the center of my belly.

And now I can't sleep. Again.

I demand a do over.

*** Note: My life is not shitty. I know that for a fact. This is my place to vent, and as such, it can get a little negative over here. This will blow over, Folks. Just wait. Tomorrow will be a new day full of it's own share of unpaid bills, dirty dishes and temper tantrums. It's all in how you go about it. Perhaps tomorrow I'll have the strength to fight for good instead of surrendering to the forces of negativity. We'll see...