I have no idea where I stand, you guys. I know that we have a LOT of work to do, but I still don't know where to start. It doesn't help that I've been absolutely panic stricken about money and so exhausted that I can barely function. It has taken all of my remaining energy to maintain a calm, normal front for our daughter. I've lost the will to force any issue.
The man is completely apologetic (but not fawningly or obnoxiously so) and presenting a 'I want to be here 110%' front. He continues to go to meetings, and has given up smoking as well. We really and truly cannot afford for him to leave. Forcing him to do so puts a huge burden on me - and that feels unfair.
Then there's the pregnancy. My first midwife visit was completely uneventful. Everything on track... even asked for the STD panel to be included in my blood work. Embarrassing, but not fatal. I'm a bit scared that additional stress in my first trimester will compromise the pregnancy... believe me, I'm stressed out enough already.
Then there's The Child. Her birthday is coming up. The Man's parents and one of his sisters (not the one I sent this blog to) are coming into town to celebrate with us. I'm not in the mood to discuss our current tribulations with them. Once again, it will be easier for me, not to address this while they're around...
Of course, acting like everything is fine when it's not is exactly what I had hoped to avoid. It allows both of us to continue to not correct anything or make any changes. Not productive.
Bleh.
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